“Betraying Myself”

Just watched a movie and a dialogue in one of the scenes keep playing on my mind. “Will you betray me?” The reason I was taken aback is because it triggered “Life-Changing” memory in my past. The time that I Decided Not to Betray Myself anymore!

It was an early morning on a Sunday and I couldn't sleep. My head was foggy and I felt myself “Off My Center.” This was very unusual since I love sleeping in on weekends (who wouldn’t, right?).  

The reason, you might ask? The Friday meeting with my new boss, to discuss my heavy workload and the possibility of splitting the 2 jobs that I have been doing for the past 5 months, did not go well. I asked for some support at work and secondly, I requested to do more of my work that I am passionate about (that's why I took the role in the first place). Sadly, I was given a very STRONG NO to both proposals. I felt betrayed!

The rejection of the requests heightened my thoughts of quitting the job to just join our family’s business venture. The job was very tedious. (Heaviest workload I have ever had)  And the worst part of it; I received no support at all to accomplish the tasks which was why I made such requests.
Now that I have had the weekend off, I have had some time to think things over, read books to enlighten me and to seek my husband’s and friends’ advice regarding what had happened. However, I found myself rejecting the answers and suggestions being given to me. I was betraying myself! This is because I already knew the answer to my questions but I was only afraid to accept them and do the actions needed. I was not “Seeking Answers” but rather I was looking for other people's reassurance.

Nevertheless, other people don't have to live my life. I do! So by that logic, I should listen to my own inner voice. Think and decide on my own base on what I know and feel. “Nobody knows Me better than I know Myself.”
When I struggle, I always turn to a space to receive spiritual guidance. And that day was no different. The answer that I got was clear as daylight. I had to stop "Betraying Myself".

So I decided that the next day, Monday, I was going back to work with every intention of re-opening the conversation with my boss regarding my proposals. I have to admit though that the mere thought of doing such terrifies me but I had to stop “betraying myself”.

If I got the same answer as the one last Friday then, I already needed to resign. Otherwise I would have just continued “betraying myself”.

We all know how painful it is when others betray us. IT HURTS! So, why betray yourself? It’s like creating the most deadly poison in the world and then using your own hand to slowly feed it to your mouth for a slow and painful death.  Pleasing others at the cost of your own pain and sorrow?

I wish to end this trip down memory lane with excerpts from a powerful quote of Steve Jobs, “Visionary Extraordinaire”, “Your Time is Limited, so don’t Waste it Living Someone else’s Life.” and “Have the Courage to follow your Heart and Intuition they somehow already Know what you Truly want to Become".

Live YOUR life fully! Do Not Betray Yourself!

So friends are you “Living Your Life” or someone else’s? Feel free to add your comments below, share your own “being true to myself” story so we can also learn and draw strength from it.