I'm being pulled today to write post for you all today. So here it goes and I'm so excited to share it with you all. So many of people that are dear to me are struggling with this topic so I decided to write about it or you might know someone who would want to hear this message which will give them clarity that they are seeking in their relationships.
When I got married to Ryan (my husband) about 2.5 years ago, I had the whole "happily ever after" idea stuck into my head. And man! I had to learn the hard way that Ryan doesn't complete me or make me happy. Don't get me wrong - our marriage is the best thing that has happened to us and I'm grateful and honoured to be his wife. Ryan has been an excellent teacher for me and this union I believe has been important for my evolution as a human being.
So we all from time to time think that the person we want to be with or the person that we are with needs to complete us as if We are only a half without them. If you think to yourself - my partner/spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife completes me or the partner that I am looking for needs to complete me in order to live happily ever after. Then what you are saying is that you are incomplete without this person. Which is a lie your mind/ thoughts tell you. Don't trust it.
What I have learned is that: I make me happy. Then I am free, I don't control my partner and what he chooses to give me. Instead I'm grateful for what he does do. Can you see the energy shifting here? It's shifting from controlling to gratitude. Then there's no drama and no expectations. It's about taking responsibility for yourself.
I had this major awakening on our 1st anniversary when I realized Ryan wasn't keeping me happy because of what he was doing or not doing enough of to meet my expectations. I voiced my concerns and it raised a lot of stress in our relationship. I won't go into all kinds of details but literally everything he did or didn't do was a BIG ASS problem. My BIG ASS problem! Then I realized that I can't live my life like this: I'm married to the love of my life and still not happy. What is wrong here? I was utterly confused so I prayed for an answer. Then a book came into my life to teach me some lessons that I was then ready to learn. The book was called "Mastery of Love" by Miguel Ruiz and the book explained that there are 2 half pies in a marriage/relationship; one pie belongs to you and another to your partner. You are ONLY responsible for your own pie; your own crap (fears that you need to face, wounds from the past that you need to heal, limiting beliefs that you need to break) to improve your marriage/relationship. Similarly, your partner will need to "fix" their own pie and I learned that Ryan is on his own journey, I don't need to fix his life. I just need to focus on my own. It was the most FREEING thing I had learned so I shared it with him and been working by this principle since.
So what is the lesson here if one wants a better marriage? A better loving relationship? A great partner to spend your life with? Love yourself first. Be the person you wanna be in love with. Enjoy life and do the things that raise your 'happiness level' responsibly. Rest will be attracted to you. The moment you stop chasing after the man or woman of your dreams and you be happy with who you are, they show up. Why? Because it's law of the universe "Like attracts like" Raise your own loving energy and be a better person in yourself that the person you wanted is attracted to you. Make yourself the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself and do more of the things that make you happy. I have done this in my own life. I had decided to move to Vancouver to be near the ocean as the ocean makes me so happy. It instantly gets me centred, humble, present in the moment and makes me realize I am part of something bigger. It's very relaxing.
I tell you this because I want to save the miserableness that I had to go through to learn this lesson. I have had the first hand experience in learning these lessons and can tell you that loving yourself is the best thing you can do to serve your partner in a marriage/relationship.
Signing off with intention of abundance in your current and/or upcoming relationships,
To your peaceful and happy life.