We all from time to time have probably have had to make decisions. Some big decisions, like really big. Some small, and some medium sized.
When decisions are really big, like they would create a big impact to our life or other people in our lives - so those are the ones we take the most time to decide on. Isn't this the case?
These big decisions ask us to change ourselves, our thinking in the most profound ways.
Small decisions dont require much from us. Decisions like which store to get groceries from. As long as we have money in our wallets, we can go to any store and get groceries.
But big decisions like the one I am facing requires a lot more thought and consideration. My desire to becoming Amritdhari as a Sikh (Can learn more from Basics of Sikhi Youtube channel) is big because it will impact the way I look, change my lifestyle on a diet level, it will possibly change who I hang out with, my relationship with my hubby bec my looks will change, wondering how my in-laws will react to this personal change. Lets just say, it will change me at a "I am" identity level.
I do want the effects of this change though. So I am stuck. Stuck in this indecision.
Being an NLP Practitioner, I know how I can tap into my "subconscious mind" to get an answer about what I really desire. My conscious mind won't make a decision for me. It is too fearful and just wants to stay in indecision. So I have tapped into the Subconscious mind. And it gave me a clear answer. It was so profound because it gave me an emotional response of tears of gratitude. My subconscious mind told me what to do but........ I am still afraid.
Afraid of rejection. Afraid of non-acceptance. Afraid of Failing. Afraid of making a mistake.
I have decided that I have mulled over this indecision long enough. Now, the pain of indecision is WAY more than the potential pain of making 1 choice or the other.
I have decided on a personal level to do what my subconscious mind is telling me to do. It feels exciting but then, even as I write this, I am doubtful and afraid.
I can recall someone wise told me once, "No decision is good or bad, its just a decision". It takes the pressure off doesn't it? Let out a big sigh.
Being stuck drains energy. Making a decision lets us move forward. Can you relate?
I decided to make a decision because of what a Guruji told me. I said to him to ask few of my questions I told him, "I am afraid to take Amrit bec my look will change, and I am afraid of the judgement of the society, world and my loved ones. I am afraid that my business will change and people won't accept me and because of that, wont want to work with me. What should I do?"
To which guru ji said, "If you are afraid of the society, tell me what has the society given you?" Seriously I couldnt think of anything. I didn;t say anything. He then went on to say, "If you choose to stand in your truth, then it will show you who your real "Well wishers" truly are. Otherwise you won't know. It takes courage to walk to Sikhi's path."
These were big words and they went straight to my heart. He was right. I dont know anything meaningful that the world had given me. Everything I had, had been causing me grief, kinda tied to everything in life.
I want to follow Sikhi's path because the goal for me is to "win over my mind" because our ego minds have us in its control. I thought I am tied to makeup, waxing of my hair, looking a certain way, being a certain way, saying certain things to run life and business. The thought of being ruthless authentic kinda excited me. Sikhs who follow the hukam (command) of guru/divine/universe and live in surrender mode are the most happiest people I have seen. They have compassion, humility, smile and a helping hand and heart ready to serve. A sikh gets to step away from being "manmukh (Facing the mind) to being Gurmukh (facing the guru) to lead our life. This is the real reason why Sikhi attracts me.
Facing the guru gives me relaxation and peace of mind.
Facing my own ego and mind identification has not given me the above. For the last 30 years. Happiness comes and goes.
I also know that I don't know how to live my life. I know that my ego consciousness has only caused me trouble and pain. I know that I dont know what is the proper way to live this human life that I have been given.
Because I realized few years ago, that I dont know what is best, I must seek it somewhere.
I started reading various spirituality and self-help books. I gained a better understanding of myself but I still felt there was more. Then we joined the spiritual centre in our local city, went there for 7 months until a sudden shock entered our world.
Coming out of months of grief and depression, I felt very lonely in my life. I was seeking a better connection with myself. I couldn't find it. I was struggling big time. Then, I was seeking a guru desperately. Someone that I can go to, who can guide me the best path to deal with anything.
Then another miracle occurred, a lot of sangat came to my parents house. I would share with them about what I know and they asked my parents about "why your daughter didnt take amrit" and my mom shyly said, "Yes, its our fault".
I was one with the sangat/congregation, I went to the morning simran/meditation/chanting at the gurudwara and I had a beautiful spiritual experience almost every day to feel the divine in my heart. The technology I learned and practiced during this week progressed me towards the divine in ways I cannot explain in words.
Since that time, amazing changes have been granted to me by the divine. I pray 3x a day, I cover my head wherever I go or at home.
Vegetarian meals taste better. Meat gives me stomach aches.
I want to listen to kirtan/spiritual music all day, that is the only thing that quenches my spiritual thirst.
It just feels right.
I also listened to 2 ted talks about 2 ladies who proudly have facial hair and be the person that the divine send them to be because after all, when we die, we all turn to ashes.
Our "looks" dont matter. Its only media that has taught us that it does. That's the wrong programming to be plugged into
Now I understand, me taking Amrit and maintaining an Amritdhari lifestyle, will plug me into a different programming which is good for me and my family.
It will let me love me and other human beings bec we are just consciousness at the end of the day. Rest is just illusion.